500 Words — Day Thirty Five: Wandering
It appears that I have had my longest gap in writing since I started the 500 words project. I took Friday off and was traveling on Saturday to visit the Illinois high point and traveling yesterday on the way back. I have felt lost the past couple of days and there are just a bunch of different things that are throwing me out of my routine and I’m been feeling really far off from reaching any equilibrium that I’d be content with. Just preparing with transition between jobs and moving to a new city, while exciting, is coming with a lot more friction than anticipated. The light at the end of the tunnel should be coming up soon, but I feel like I should be seeing something by now. But maybe I just need to chill out and stop tensing up so much.
One my greatest weaknesses is my impatience with longer term plans and strategies. I would rather get something over with rather than let it just sit there and continuously bother me. Unfortunately, I have multiple little loose ends that are still around to keep bothering me and one of those kind of soured my weekend. Today’s President Day, but I opted not to take the day off. It’s easier to focus on work than try to spend my time worrying about things when there’s already a plan in place. Outside of that day of work, I didn’t really get anything else done that I really wanted to get done. That was kind of frustrating, but life is filled with compromises.
As I have mentioned in prior posts, these things come in waves. Some days suck and some days get better. Some days you put in a productive day and feel content with relaxing at the end of the night. Some days you feel like garbage and are frustrated at the lack of progress or the lack of a feeling of progress. Some days your mind is filled will lots of questions as you drive amongst the barren snow covered cornfields in Illinois.
One interesting that I noticed this weekend was just getting the heavy feeling of reality just rushing over me when it was time to wake up from whatever dreams I was having. I’ll call this feeling “waking up into a nightmare”. Perhaps, that’s a little melodramatic, but when that phone alarm hits at the right moment, that realization that life is so much more harsh and blunt than whatever vanilla fantasy that I was dreaming up really just drains the energy from your soul. I had that feeling yesterday and this morning. Luckily or unluckily I just woke up on Saturday with a rather bizarre and unexpected hangover/malaise that left me feeling sick the whole day. Awesome weekend.
This year has been the year that I have really pushed myself outside my comfort zone. If anything, outside of the highs and lows, it has been weird.
I guess if we’re going to do this right, here’s to it getting weirder.